WHY AND HOW TO FORGIVE?
I'm sure most people know how it feels to be angry with someone, to hold a grudge, to feel resentful. Something happened, where we felt hurt, misunderstood, disrespected, cheated, humiliated and that pain bore the feeling of resentment, anger, shame, etc. Some people deal with and let go of such emotions quickly, while others keep holding on to them, sometimes unaware of it.
If we think of that event and that hurt, usually all those emotions come up again, which might surprise us, for we were certain we were over it, that we forgave, that »life goes on« and the pain does heal with time, doesn't it? Well, it's not always so. All those emotions that the hurtful event caused us to feel might still be hidden deep inside us, which does not mean they aren't still affecting the way we feel and affecting our health. It is of great importance to let go of resentment and to forgive, if we want to live a happy and healthy life.
EFT can very effectively help us do so, for it deals with these emotions at an energetic level. It enables us to let go of resentment relatively quickly and painlessly, going through different levels of resentment.
Let's look at 3 levels of resentment and how EFT or tapping helps us permanently let go of those negative emotions.
The first level is, when someone had caused us pain and we eventually decide it was time to forgive and forget. That it was not worth holding on to resentment. The problem with this kind of forgiving is that, when we talk about the event, when someone asks us about it, when we see the person who had hurt us, etc., the pain and the negative emotions come boiling up again. We realize the »wound« (a disruption in the energy system) is still there and still unhealed. Many think this is just how it is, that they have to learn to live with it.
The second level is where energy psychology or EFT is required. EFT operates on the premise that all negative emotions (in our case resentment, which can be a bundle of many negative emotions, such as anger, shame, disgust, disappointment, sadness, etc.) are disruptions in our body's energy system. EFT allows us to express those negative emotions and by tapping on acupuncture points we release them at an energetic level. This means that, when we think of the event again, we don't respond to it emotionally anymore. We see it differently. We are able to look at it from a different perspective. Without feeling resentful. What a relief!
We forgive ourselves!
Very often we hold on to this »truth«, that in certain circumstances we »should have« handled things differenty. We judge ourselves for not knowing better, for not being smart enough, for not being able to say no, etc. We usually don't even think that there is anything to forgive, because it's the »truth«. We really should have or could have been smarter, better, stronger, more mature, etc.
But the truth is we are just punishing ourselves, we go on living with this belief that we are not worthy (of health, happiness, success, wealth,…) and we subconsciously avoid many opportunities. With EFT we tap and express our refusal to forgive ourselves, until we start to realize that there is nothing to forgive, that we had done the best we knew how under the circumstances and with the knowledge and experience we then had. And when we forgive ourselves, we start to allow all the good to come into our lives. Only then can we create a healthy, joyful life.
We can accomplish this only if we really pay attention to our emotions and deal with them at an energetic level. And I can't imagine a better and more efficient tool than EFT.
3 STEPS TO MAKE SURE YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS AND STICK TO YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
The start of a New Year is a great opportunity for a fresh start. Like many people, you've probably thought about what you would like the coming year to be like. Maybe you've even writen down your goals and made New Year's resolutions. This is a great thing, since it makes you focus on your future with more clarity.
Whatever your goals may be, living a healthier life, improving your relationships at home or at work, starting a new business, losing weight, etc., here are 3 steps you can take to make sure you stick to them and actually achieve them.
1. BECOME AWARE OF YOUR SELF-TALK, YOUR THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS
It's one thing to be all excited about your new goal, but another to keep that little voice inside your head (that, by the way, is only trying to keep you safe) in alignment with it. You may want to improve your relationships at work, but your self-talk is "Nobody likes me", "I'm not smart enough", "I always feel like the odd one out", "They probably think I'm no good" or you may want to start a new business, but your self-talk is "I can't do that", "I'm not qualified enough", "Who do I think I am to believe I can achieve that?" , "Just forget it", etc. Try to catch those thoughts and beliefs and write them down. And mind you, they can be very subtle.
2. TRY TO REMEMBER WHERE THEY CAME FROM. WHEN DID YOU START BELIEVING THESE LIMITING, USUALLY FALSE AND UNTRUE, THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS?
I can assure you that you were not born with them. There must have been certain events and people that made you believe they were true. If in your childhood you were often told that you were no good at math, you might have grown up believing you can never have your own business, since it requires logic and numbers. Or if you were ridiculed by other children in your elementary school, for example, you might have grown up believing nobody likes you. Think of as many such events as possible and write them down.
3. CHANGE THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS INTO POSITIVE ONES, ONES THAT SUPPORT AND EMPOWER YOU
The events you've written down will help you understand why you don't trust yourself, why you don't believe in yourself and your abilities. Now you can create positive afirmations, which will, contrary to the old, negative ones, support and empower you. When you believe the words and affirmations you say to yourself and when they're in alignment with your goals, that's when mirracles happen.
If you notice that any of the past events still carry some pain and unresolved emotions and that you cannot really believe the new, positive affirmations, I suggest you use EFT, either yourself or with a certified EFT practitioner like myself. Until you change the negative responses to past events, they will continue to influence your decisions and progress. EFT, which is extremely effective in doing this, shall forever change the way you see yourself and the world around you and that's when you are ready to achieve your goals and create the life you want.
Remember, only when you believe that change is possible is change possible.
Make 2017 the best year ever with the best YOU ever!
Recently a lady came to me, hoping I could help her get rid of her constant feeling of sadness and anxiety. As we do in an EFT session, I asked her when her problems began and what was happening or what happened at that time in her life. She remembered an event that happened five years ago and that deeply affected her.
When we focused on this event, which means we started tapping and eliminating negative emotional responses, the lady somewhat fearfully asked why we were only repeating negative words.
A question I often hear and a perfectly reasonable one. Let me explain why we do this.
We all strive to be happy, healthy, productive, successful, etc. There are many books, articles, video recordings on YouTube, talks and courses, trying to help us achieve this. They teach us that we create our lives largely by the way we think, what we believe and the words we often repeat to ourselves. This is logically followed by the idea, that if we repeat positive affirmations, often and long enough, our lives should positively change. So, if we've been telling ourselves we are a failure, not worthy, not good enough, all we need to do from now on is to keep repeating affirmations that say we are successful, worthy and we love ourselves just the way we are.
But is it really that simple? If you've ever tried this yourselves, you might know it isn't. Why not?
If we repeat a positive affirmation that we really, without a doubt, believe, then this really is an effective way to achieve the wanted changes in our lives. But if we repeat a positive affirmation, which is accompanied by doubt or an opposing belief, the affirmation following words like but..., maybe..., yes, if I were someone else, ... may be stronger and much more convincing. (Have you ever tried standing in front of a mirror and saying to yourself "I love you", but in the back of your head you heard a little voice saying: "..if only you weren't so stupid / incapable / fat / short /tall / forgetful / angry...?). If this is the case, changes won't come that easily, for the truth is, we are actually not repeating the positive affirmation as much as we are repeating the negative one.
If we do not acknowledge these doubts and negative beliefs, if we try to cover them with positive affirmations, this does not necessarily mean we are getting rid of them. These negative beliefs, thoughts, doubts remain within us, unacknowledged, ignored and repressed.
And what can we do to make those positive affirmations really work?
With the EFT method we uncover those negative, limiting, sometimes painful beliefs and emotions, with the intention of acknowledging them (it feels so good to admit aloud: "Yes, I am angry! I hate him/her! I do feel like a failure" and knowing we are actually dealing with these emotions, setting them free and making way for love), looking at them from different points of view and eliminating them (we're eliminating the emotional responses, the disruptions in our energy system).
This way we are making way for new, positive, stimulating, constructive thoughts and beliefs. And what kind of life can you create for yourself now? :)
A person thinks about 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. If you try to "catch" them, you'll see that not all of them are positive and empowering. Actually, you may find a majority of them are negative and limiting. Now, if we take into account that our thoughts lead to our feelings that lead to our actions that lead to results in our lives, we can say that our thoughts create our lives, which makes being aware of them even more important. This way we can start using them to our advantage.
Where do they come from and why are they so hard to control?
Negative thoughts come from our subconscious mind, which stores memories from the past. All traumas, defeats, stressful moments, bad news we read or heard about, etc., got stored in our subconsious. When we're in a situation that reminds us in some way of an unpleasant past experience, it will do its best to "get us out of there" and keep us from feeling the unpleasant, sometimes painful emotions we felt in that past situation. It will try to persuade us that the new opportunity that may have come up for us and which at first seemed so exciting isn't "safe". You know the little voice in your head that keeps telling you: "This isn't right for me", "I don't have time", "I'm not going there", "I'm not good enough at it", "I'll do it next time", "It's too risky", etc.
It's interesting how we rarely doubt the "truth" of our thoughts telling us we're not capable, not good enough, not smart, pretty, young enough, etc. But when we become aware of the fact that these "truths" are based on past experiences and we are not the same person we were back then (new experiences, new knowledge, etc.), we can allow ourselves to doubt them and choose other, more empowering ones.
For example: Imagine you get a call from a tourist agency, telling you you were picked as the winner of a one-week holiday in Hawaii. If you are afraid of flying, you might get excited at first, but the very next second you'll find a number of excuses why you cannot accept the offer.
How can EFT help?
When we think a negative thought, it creates a negative emotion (e.g. flying by plain). This negative emotion is actually a disruption in the energy system of our body. By tapping on acupressure points we eliminate that energy disruption and no longer feel the fear (the negative emotion). As a result we make different decisions, undertake different actions (e.g. we accept the agency's offer), which lead to different results (e.g. a coctail on a Hawaiian beach).
Keep in mind that your life mirrors your thoughts and beliefs. Think of an area of your life that you would like to improve orchange, but don't seem to be able to. What's holding you back? What is your "inner dialogue"? What are you telling yourself? Analize your thoughts. Find proof that you're right or that you're wrong. Even by doing just that you'll be able to eliminate many negative thoughts.
Or you can decide to take the easier way...EFT or tapping :)
However you do it, I wish you many pleasant, positive, empowering thoughs!
In my previous blog I promised to talk about one of the obstacles that keeps us stuck and that we're very rarely aware of.
Have you ever thought about changing your life? In a small or in a big way? Maybe you wanted to lose weight, eat healthier, spend more time with your friends and family, start a new activity? Maybe you wanted to learn a new language or a new sport, find a new job, move to another town or country? Do you remember being serious about it, telling yourself that this time you'll really do it, this time you'll stick to the plan?! And what happened? Not much. Why?
One of the reasons might be something called 'the Comfort Zone'.
Our "Comfort Zone" is a place with minimal stress and risk, a place we feel comfortable in, a place that feels safe and familiar. And as much as we may want a change in our lives, the change represents something unfamiliar and we all innately feel uncomfortable, when it comes to changes. Even when there is no real danger, we want to stay emotionally safe. And that voice inside our head saying: "I'll start tomorrow", "I don't have the time now", "I can't do that", "I'm not good at things like that", "I'm not smart enough", etc., wants us to be just that, safe, away from unpleasant emotions, away from situations that might make us vulnerable. This is the reason we tend to stick to those comfort zones and sabotage ourselves, without even knowing.
Once you are aware of the fact that you have comfort zones (and everyone does) and you decide you want to break free and try new things, EFT is a perfect tool to help you push the boundaries and achieve the changes and goals you wish to achieve. What you feel emotionally, when you step out of your familiar space, your "home", is something you can deal with with tapping and once those emotional blocks are cleared you can rise to a whole new level.
As Jack Canfield says: "Most everything that you want is just outside your comfort zone."
So get out of your comfort zone! Reach for the stars! Life is too short not to! :)
I've been thinking about what to write in my first blog, since there's so much I want to say. My intention is to make it all about using EFT to create the life you love, so I've decided to start with a question I often hear from my clients.
Why should I address and deal with my issues and not just ignore them? Don't they say that "what you pay attention to grows"? Won't my problems just get bigger, if I dig into my negative past events, my negative emotions and the problems I'm having in my present life?
Let me say this. If ignoring your problems, negative emotions, beliefs, etc. creates a life you love and enjoy, then keep doing it. But, on the other hand, if your life is not what you want it to be, if you are stuck, if you're struggling with negative emotions, perhaps have physical issues (headaches, shoulder pain, tension in your neck, etc.), if you can't seem to have stress under control, etc., you CAN do something about it. And, yes, that "something" does include looking into your past, just so you clean it up and move on, free of the old, unneccessary baggage you've been carrying around, affecting your life, whether you're aware of it or not.
EFT does it in a very gentle, sometimes surprisingly easy and fast way.
Next time, I'll talk about one of the obstacles that keeps people stuck without them even being aware of it and I'll tell you how EFT deals with it.
So, stay tuned...see you soon :)