Recently a lady came to me, hoping I could help her get rid of her constant feeling of sadness and anxiety. As we do in an EFT session, I asked her when her problems began and what was happening or what happened at that time in her life. She remembered an event that happened five years ago and that deeply affected her.
When we focused on this event, which means we started tapping and eliminating negative emotional responses, the lady somewhat fearfully asked why we were only repeating negative words.
A question I often hear and a perfectly reasonable one. Let me explain why we do this.
We all strive to be happy, healthy, productive, successful, etc. There are many books, articles, video recordings on YouTube, talks and courses, trying to help us achieve this. They teach us that we create our lives largely by the way we think, what we believe and the words we often repeat to ourselves. This is logically followed by the idea, that if we repeat positive affirmations, often and long enough, our lives should positively change. So, if we've been telling ourselves we are a failure, not worthy, not good enough, all we need to do from now on is to keep repeating affirmations that say we are successful, worthy and we love ourselves just the way we are.
But is it really that simple? If you've ever tried this yourselves, you might know it isn't. Why not?
If we repeat a positive affirmation that we really, without a doubt, believe, then this really is an effective way to achieve the wanted changes in our lives. But if we repeat a positive affirmation, which is accompanied by doubt or an opposing belief, the affirmation following words like but..., maybe..., yes, if I were someone else, ... may be stronger and much more convincing. (Have you ever tried standing in front of a mirror and saying to yourself "I love you", but in the back of your head you heard a little voice saying: "..if only you weren't so stupid / incapable / fat / short /tall / forgetful / angry...?). If this is the case, changes won't come that easily, for the truth is, we are actually not repeating the positive affirmation as much as we are repeating the negative one.
If we do not acknowledge these doubts and negative beliefs, if we try to cover them with positive affirmations, this does not necessarily mean we are getting rid of them. These negative beliefs, thoughts, doubts remain within us, unacknowledged, ignored and repressed.
And what can we do to make those positive affirmations really work?
With the EFT method we uncover those negative, limiting, sometimes painful beliefs and emotions, with the intention of acknowledging them (it feels so good to admit aloud: "Yes, I am angry! I hate him/her! I do feel like a failure" and knowing we are actually dealing with these emotions, setting them free and making way for love), looking at them from different points of view and eliminating them (we're eliminating the emotional responses, the disruptions in our energy system).
This way we are making way for new, positive, stimulating, constructive thoughts and beliefs. And what kind of life can you create for yourself now? :)